Liana: Have you been on a vacation with Nicky before?
Me: Yeah, I did. Remember I went to BKK in September?
Liana: Oh, yeah. I remember. It was around your bday. Didn't know you went with him.
Julie: But I never see you posting any pictures on facebook leh.
Liana: Oh, ya. Why didn't you post? He was the cameraman all the while ah?
Me: No la, it's not the time yet.

& they keep their mouth shut.

Why is it always like that? Why do things always turn out this way? Why can't we stay the same. I want to stay the same. I don't want us to change. I want you to be the same. I don't wanna stay here. I hate this place.

I guess no one will ever come by this blog again. Well, I'm back from BKK with love. The very first time ever, I left my family and I don't feel like coming back at all. I don't wanna step in Singapore, I don't want the plane to land. He asked me if I think that he's being bad and unfair to her. He asked me if I feel that she's never wrong since the beginning. This feeling hitted me. Feel like this is our first and last vacation although we made a pact to travel there again next year April. He thought of them. He has the thought that I'm just a passerby, just someone to pass time with. And it would probably last approx. 1 to 1 year plus. I'm dreaming. So let me dream on. I'll probably wake up a year later. But God, please don't wake me up. Cos I would rather sleep forever. Don't wake me up from my dream, dont.

Will be going for another blood donation later. Whether you'll wake up on time or not, I'll still be heading there. I'm so used to be alone anyway. After that, whether I'll pick up any phone calls or not, it all depends on my mood. Depends on where I want to walk, how I am feeling. And nowadays, I really hate myself. Hate myself for being in this state. Feels so much like a loser.

I have been leading an unhealthy life.
I smoke non-stop and I drink almost every night.
I dwell into my own drunkness and hope that things will turn out better.
This is silly.
I know how silly this is.
I can't help it. No one can.

I walked in the rain, I walk alone.
I smiled and I cried.
I speak and I weep.
I did whatever I can to make it better.
I gave in my all and I spoke to god.

I stood alone in the middle of nowhere.
I hope someone would appear and tell me he knows it all.
I hope someone could hug me and stop me from crying.
I hope someone would take up my umbrella and say it'll all be fine.
I hope someone would just hold me tight and say,
"You're not alone."

Friends.
Since they don't appreciate things you did,
stop bothering.

Hands off, from you both.

Been long since I post.
Nothing happening in life.
The only happening stuff is I finally make myself more available for most of their outings.

One of my colleagues, Audrey, had a casual talk with me this afternoon.
We were talking about some personal r/s stuff.
Her questions make me feeling so..
But I got no one to turn to.

Still, I'm grateful to have my dear buddies for all these while.
You guys walk me through my ups and downs.
Always trying to make me feel like a whole.
Linus, Rong, Jing, Chia.
Especially Linus, one call, anytime.
Thank you guys, thank you so much.

Didn't write for quite some time.

I've started working for a week in DBS Bank.
I got so much to learn, so many things to do.
Everyday when I reached the office, switch on my desktop,
I never seem to have time doing nothing.
For all the while, I am occupy with works.

Working could be one of the factor for gaining weights.
Because I'll be sitting in the office,
munching on chocolates and biscuits,
and chewing on bubbletea pearls while on task.


Yesterday, boy and I went to Sebas' daughter's first month chalet at Costa Sand.
We went down right after work.
You can never believe who I bump into on the train.
Miss Hia!
Most people forgotten or don't even know her.

Miss Hia was once a counsellor in Peicai.
Whenever I was feeling down, she'll book an appointment with me and ask me to her office when the rest of the students have to attend boring lessons.
When I shutted myself, refused to talk and all I did was crying, she made me talk.
She analysed my problems and helped to find solutions.
She taught me how to handle my own problems.
She is kind and nice.
I would never forget her tender voice and her warm eyes which always stares at me,
as if she can really feel what's in me.

Few years back, after she left Peicai,
she left me with a letter and a small note, reminding what I should do whenever I am feeling depress.
Then, I tried standing up without her.
Now, whenever I couldn't solve the problem, I know what to do.
Cos this is what she'll always tell me.
"If you find no ways to solve to problem, why not try to live with it?"

Miss Hia, thank you.

Happy 2010! New year, new start.
Hope everything will turn out smoothly for everyone.
Unhappy, upset memories, put them aside.
Let 2009 be part of history,
and embrace 2010 together! ((:

(Requested by Jingwen)
Friends are important to us. Whenever we feel distraught, we receive lots of encouragements and consoling. However, "thank you" seems too arduos to articulate. We often find it awkward to sound off like what Jing stated. So, i'll express my gratitute by writing them down.
(Numbers below are not in any particular orders. In case Jingwen guess them all correctly!)


1) You sometimes play around and bicker with me. Someone who always brighten up my day. Cracks stupid jokes and do stupid stuff. Always care and somehow makes me feel some sense of significant.

2) You are the one who teaches me alot. You explain whatever I did not know. You care but you don't express. Words from you give me the courage to do certain stuff. You make me grow and you're someone I look upon to, someone who guide me through. Always cracking jokes and makes me happy. For the good and the bad, I'll remember them all.

3) I may not be the one you'll confide in. However, when you need listening ears, ring me up. I don't promise to be physically there. But I promise to listen and advice. You are cheerful and always trying to cheer me up when I'm down. I wanna hear you sing. (:

4) You always listen to my whinings and would never complain. Sometimes, you are just like a gift from god. We never get bored of repeating the same thing over and over again. We quarreled once but that will definitely not be an obstacle to us. We are the best out of the best. 10 years or 20 years down the road, we'll still be the best.

5) You are someone who talk cock and sing song with me. Whenever we meet up, we would always have long chats through the night. For years, you keep me updated with stuff, always stand by me and giving me encouragements. You saw me weep, and laugh with me. You know everything about me, everything.

6) Always missing in action but someone who'll never be forgotten. I may not know you best but I hope you can be one of my best. Sounds mushy and disgusting but friend, I'm serious. You're someone I disliked or rather most people disliked. But after knowing you, everything seems so different. So, never judge a book by its cover!

7) I never knew what was bothering you back then. I always fail to remember those people's names around you that you guys mentioned. But you are great. People do meet obstacles in life. I may not be someone you'll tell your problems to. But I hope you'll get your problems solved in the near future. You can be a great drinking partner.

8) I guess I know you least. & I don't even know if you'll see this. You are the one who yelled at me when I'm out of my mind. Someone who is very outgoing and nice.

9) I always hear your stuff from them. You're someone who is quite similar to me, in terms of family background I suppose. Someone who can really get high after drinking. You treasure friends and you're great.

10) You are someone who will come and talk to me out of nowhere and ask for meet ups. We always craps about stuff back in secondary school days. Our first impression to each other was bad. We quarreled and you did not know who I was back then. We would meet up once in a blue moon and update each other with our recent life. I am happy to see you leading a happy life. (:

11) You are another one who would tear with me and lend me your shoulders back in secondary school. We drifted abit after sec sch but we managed to pull each other closer by gatherings and bitch around with one another. I miss you.


You guys make me a whole.
Things might get different in the future & we might just drift apart from one another.
We might meet new friends, join new cliques and hang around with different people.
But one thing I'm sure,
you guys are my best in the year 2009.
THANK YOU GUYS! <33>

I have been staying at home for the whole day.
Yesterday as well.
I know I've been complaining.
But I'm serious, life is getting more and more boring.

Collected my cert today from SIM and sis went down with me.

After that, head down to Upper Serangoon Shopping Centre to get her new Peicai uniform.

Yesterday, went down to Chinatown with sis to get some daily necessities.

Without mum, we have to do all these shits.

Way too heavy to carry home.

So I called up boy for help.

& he rushed down immediately knowing that I sort of hurt my veins while carrying.

How nice.

Pictures taken while waiting for boy at Chinatown.

Some people are just funny.
Why should people celebrate for her when she is always missing for every gatherings and birthday celebrations?
And now that her big day is arriving, she called up everyone and propose a "gathering".

I feel like a fool ranting here and looks like a jealous freak.
But I guess almost everyone are like that.
Just that they don't show.
& I count myself brave enough to show.
When I were attending celebrations and she's not,
people remember her birthday and not mine.
It is bad stating it down here, but these are the facts.

You can say I'm practical or a jealous idiot,
cos' I don't care.

Happy Birthday to SEAH JIA LING! =D

I was planning to go for a blood donation next week at a nearer blood mobile.

But I received a sms the day before yesterday from Red Cross.

They said my blood type is needed urgently.

So I headed down to HSA yesterday to make a donation.

After that, train down to boy's place.

Night time, met up with boy's friends and dinner around his area.

Back home while the boys headed to Kelvin's place for soccer match.

Today, caught the Storm Warriors at Bishan GV.

Kelvin's treat.

They claimed that the show was awful compared to the first series.

I don't know, cos' I probably forgotten the first series.

The only thing I remember is Yun's hair was blue.

& I don't even remember Aaron was in the show.

After movie, back to boy's place.

Slept through the evening and woke up at about 9pm.

Down for dinner and back home.

Really hate to live with nags.
Enough of them from anyone of you.
Please try not to provoke me.
I predict my temper would worsen for the next few days.

海派甜心; a very nice Taiwan drama series!

I just watched episode 6 on Youtube.

Can't wait for the 7th episode to be out next Sunday after midnight!

I really hate to say this but I am starting to dislike them.
Especially, you.
I know you've always show concern.
But do you really know what I need?
If you love someone, don't you want them to be happy?
Why are you doing these times and again?
It's annoying!
Did you ever think of why I am treating you this way?
Please, think.
If you don't treat me as your puppet, I will be a good girl.
So now, don't blame me for being the bad girl.

Sometimes, I hope they will discover this post.

2012, indeed a nice show.

Caught the show with boy today.

I was weeping for like 90% of the show.

It was really touching.

For those who has yet to catch this movie,

please catch it before it ends!

It makes you want to cherish more,

be it your families, friends, partner, or time.

Blogging is not just about writing your daily lives.
It's writing about whatever, you feel like writing.
At least, this is how I feel.

We are different people with different perceptions.
Whatever I think may not be what you think.
Whatever you think may not be what she thinks.
And whatever she thinks might not be what he thinks.

We are people who have our own stands.
We do what we think is right.

When feeling distraught, there's no way to speak up.
The world collapses.

Peeps, just look at the time now!
I am still awake. Yes, cos I couldn't sleep.
Insomnia.
& every afternoon when the alarm clock went off,
I have been hitting the snooze button more & more,
and tend to forget that the alarm even went off after I woke up.

Abit random.

Everyone change.
I do, too.
Like, I am becoming more practical than before.
Sometimes I feel that materials which are of no use, gets really occupying.
Especially those impractical gifts I received, unable to wear, unable to make use of, with no special meanings, really gonna clear them all.
Still, I appreciate the sincerity.

Actually, I am trying hard to brush off some unpleasant feelings within.
Like what most people feel, it's hard.
I think brushing off memories are not that hard afterall. Well, maybe for some.
Although I still think of him sometimes, assuming or imagining that I'll see him somewhere again, but y'know,
sometimes life can be funny, playing around with you,
& in the end, you lose, and eventually you become the biggest loser ever.

Sometimes, it's amazing that everything are all linked up.
In this case, you may be the winner.
But in any case you lost the touch of it, it ends.
Loser.

In a survivor game, you play.
When you're losing, you give up.
But the rule says no giving up,
tell me what you would do.
Dead end.
You got no choices left, you have to play along.
Once you entered it, that's it.
Make a wise choice, to enter, or not to enter.
First of all, y'have to know everything about the game.
Know the rules.

How long can a woman be happy?
The answer is, "Not more than 10 minutes."

You get yourself a nice shoe when shopping, & you're happy with it.
Questions come to mind in awhile.
"Will the shoe pinch?"

& now, a dress.
"Is it too expensive?"
"Do I look fat in it?"
"Should I even buy it in the first place?"

Another situation.

When you're having sex with your partner.
"Will he think that I look fat?"
"What if I got pregnant?"
"Does he really love me?"
"Do I really satisfy him?"

And one more here.

Having sex with your close friend of opposite gender.
It brings you pleasure and excitement.
However, 10 minutes rule applies.
"What if my friends know about this?"
"What if his girlfriend know about us?"
"Will my partner know that I'm doing this behind?"
"What would happen if he found out?"

Things like guilt and anxiety comes into the pictures,
spoiling your 10 minutes pleasure and excitement,
but bringing you far and happier for the next 10 years.
Agree?

Whatever happened, it happened.
We're human-beings who learns from experiences.
But do bear that in mind,
the 10 minutes rule applies and will be following you for the rest of your life,
regardless of where, when, why or what you do.

Now I know.
Sad to say.
It isn't fair, but it's a fact.

My desktop & laptop was down with some virus and screen problem,
so this is why I haven't been updating blog and being active online.
But I finally got myself a new laptop at the IT fair on Friday!
Now, it's time to get my desktop and old laptop to be repaired,
& I'll probably pass on the old one to my sis.

Days without a proper computer are miserable.
& I almost perished in my own solitude for more than a week.
Felt like a recluse who aparted the society.
And so, the previous situation coerced me to read.
Now that WanRong is not in Singapore, I got no choice but to stick with boy and try to enjoy my solitude.

I've been actively looking for jobs.
It've been really quite some times since I completed my course.
Yet I ended up enjoying & hanging around, not doing things which are practical.
I hope I'll get myself a proper job soon, hopefully ending up in a bank.

It was Emilie's (Xiao Jun) birthday last Friday.
Went to Double O to celebrate her big day.
Shifted to O Bar in awhile cos they were all sick of standing up.
Had great time playing those games and doing stupid forfeits with them!
Dance dance, with Tiffany & Emilie!

Lunar, to celebrate Jason's birthday.
After some of them went back,
dear & I hopped to Rebel.
Shared a jug and DANCE!

Successfully cancelled today's tuition.

When I was always hanging out, I wanted to stay at home.
Now that I am staying at home, I feel like going out.
Even it is just a walk under my block, I would be more than happy.
But now, I don't even dare to take a step out of my house.
SO BORED.

I think I will cancel tomorrow's tuition as well.

Went for facial today & my face is super cui now.
I don't even dare to take a bus back.
I wore a cap and a pair of shades.
Cab home!

Wanted to stop at iEcon to get a new packet of milk.
But, no way due to my current look.
Got my sis down to buy for me.

By right, I should be meeting up with XiaoQing tomorrow.
But, no way again, due to my current look.
I feel like postponing my tuition tomorrow to other days.
Oh no. ):

I am soooooooooooo happy!
My Primary 2 student sms me today & told me that she scored 93 for Maths and 41/50 for English!
Before I taught her, she always scores around 60 to 80.
What's more, she thanked me for teaching her.
I AM SO HAPPY!!!

Last night, boy & I were talking about turning in early tonight to turn back our normal body clock.
& I agreed thinking that I would turn in early as I know I'll be waking up early this morning.
But I slept at noon and woke up at 9 p.m.
I doubt I can turn back my body clock.

I've turned down several outings as I am really broke.
Such as clubbing on Halloween night, KBOX on Jessie's birthday, as well as some casual gathering in one of the pubs at Bugis.
I am so sorry, but I am really really broke.
In addition, my students' exams are finishing soon.
So chances of conducting tuition are near zero.
Except for those really Kiasu parents who wants their children to prepare for 2010 in the holidays.

I won't pin too much hope on DBS' reply.
Although they said I am suitable for the job,
but I may not be the best and most suitable candidates.
Moreover, I am the first to be interviewed this morning.
But I've always been more than happy if I could enter some banking industry.
Areas like Human Resource, or Finance might also be good.
But less on Accounting & Marketing I guess.
Although Marketing is one of my not so bad subjects,
but I prefer HR.
As for Accounting, mummy always want me to be Accountant as well.
But too bad, I flunked my Accountings.
After I retake the papers, passed but I couldn't see much improvements in my results.
Although I always know that being an accountant is cool,
but I doubt I have the ability to do so.
Perhaps, only insane people like my boy can ace Accounting.
Therefore, I shall continue searching for temporary part-time job.

I'll most probably be staying at home for these few days.
Because once again, I'M BROKE.

Yesterday was awesome, because it was simple.
HongKong Cafe with dear.
Then headed to the place we first started!
That was so memorable! ((:

I know this is disgusting.
But I really feel like shouting out loud!

ILU, DEAR! (((:


Just back from an interview at DBS.
I slept at 5am plus last night and woke up at 6am plus.
I am so tired now,
playing poker with eyes half open.
Gonna stay at home today & sleep!

As usual, headed to boy's place after tuition.
Ordered KFC for dinner,
& slept for afew hours.

Tomorrow will be another long day for me.
Gotta head down to SIM HQ for transcript collection.
& after that, I'll be meeting some ex-classmates for lunch.
After lunch, gotta head back to Paya Lebar for tuition at 3pm.
After tuition, I will be heading down to Braddell for another tuition at 7.15pm.
I guess it would be super tiring tomorrow!

I need a temporary part time job till December.
If not I'll need to rot at home for the whole of Nov & Dec!

Suppose to be at Suntec City on Tuesday to have dinner with Rong, Ying, Ying's bf, and my boy, for Ying's birthday.
Because of some surprises that Ying's bf planned for her, we were told not to go down for the dinner.
So, the 3 of us (Rong, my boy & I) went down to Revzone at around 6 plus in the evening.
We were playing pool & singing like nobody's business.
We were having so much fun while playing games!
Took pictures, but lazy to upload them! (:


On Wednesday, after my tuition,
I met up boy at Plaza Sing' for Subway.
Then back to boy's place to SLEEP AGAIN! LOL.


Just back from Tracy's place (boy's friend).
We were having BBQ session for Angela's (boy's ex-manager) birthday!
Today was a little boring compared to the previous BBQ gathering.
We were just playing Blackjack & Texas Poker.

Tomorrow will be a long day for me.
Gotta wake up in the morning,
& prepare for tuition in the afternoon all the way to evening,
from Braddell to Paya Lebar.
Then at night, down to Plasma for Big Daniel's birthday.
I guess boy & I will be spending quite alot tomorrow on those drinks and cab again!

Revzone last night with Linus, Joan & John.
Met up boy after drinking for a talk.

& now, I just wanna spend some time alone.
Goodbye.

Now, if you were to ask me if I want to settle down,
my answers would be, NO.

Went to Eric birthday party at Dbl O last night.
People were partying happily.
Yet, I felt something.
& again, I went speechless.

Come to think of it,
we won't know if our partner had hide or lied to us.
Every trivial matter counts.
It is scary that people can do things till this extent.
When they try do little actions, does their partner comes to mind?
& how would they feel when the images of their partner comes to mind?
Guilty?
Perhaps, some of them won't even think of their other half.

& no, it's not just about clubbing, touching or hugging around.
Not just about flirting.

In a relationship, it's not just about love.
I may not know what exactly love is.
But at least, I know committment is one of them that counts.
Sometimes, in order to maintain the current relationship,
they keep quiet, and act blur.

If you ever have anyone in mind other than your partner,
let them know.
Tell them you need time.
Don't leave them hanging,
don't let them have the chance to find out themself.

Don't hide, don't lie.
Don't hurt them,
& don't be a sinner.

I know I am stubborn.
But no matter how hard this journey is,
I'll walk.
It's just like walking with bare foot.
It hurts.
But I'll still walk.

This little thing is aching inside.
I never knew that little things could make such a big impact on me.

I got so much so much to tell.
I want a listener now.
Just a listener that won't interupt me.
A listener that knows exactly how I feel inside out.

Now, let me cry.

& now I understand,
you overdo, you suffer,
you lost all, and you're the loser.

I am unable to describe my current feeling in words.
All I can say is, it's alot more than just fucked up.

I feel like running out to the extent that I nearly cried out.
I can't stand the way my life is now.
More than fucked up but still insisted not to speak up.
I am so tired.
I can't find anyone who can accompany me now.
I feel so lost.
& I wanna stop time.

Can I just shout out?
It's unbearable.
& I really wanna cry hard.

My friends are getting lesser and lesser.
When friends need help, we help.
But when we need help, will they help in return?

Some friends really worth the time & effort.
Some friends are disappointment.

& why are "promises meant to be broken"?

Whenever you want to promise something,
make sure you do it.
Or else, spare the promises & save disappointment.


You know up till now, I still need someone to go and sing with me.
I feel so weak all over.
I'm breaking down.

I am having headache but I am not gonna sleep.
Maybe because I just have so much to say but couldn't put them all in words.

Sometimes, I need someone to talk to.
I always think that sacrificing something would give you another thing in return.
But that doesn't apply to every situations.
That is pretty obvious but sometimes,
we're stubborn.
We just don't face up to reality & we don't give up deceiving ourself.
In the end, we lost everything.
& at the same time, labelled as the big loser.

It really seems to be drifting away from me.
Perhaps, it've been like this all along.
Just that I've been deceiving myself from the very beginning.
I really hate liars.
But I found out that I'm the biggest liar ever,
always lying to myself.

How long have I not speak up like how I used to be?
Where are my dignity? Where are my confidence?
Where are they?

Such a loser.

I've been occupying myself with tuitions, tuitions and more tuitions.
I've been teaching everyday, except Wednesday.
I've also been going to Dominic's (Boy's friend) house for painting, for the past 1 - 2 weeks.

Today, tuition-ed at TPY.
So after my tuition, I made a trip down to Commonwealth (Dominic's house) by train, to look for boy.
The trip took me about 45 minutes.

As usual, I got my eyes rolling in the train.
I observed around & I saw this couple really loving.

The girl; rabbit teeth, below-average looks, pony-tail with natural & slight messy-curls.
The boy; sloped-hair, short, plump, below-average looks.

No, they didn't kiss & didn't hug.

The thing that caught my eyes was when the guy was tidying his girl's fringe by putting it to the back of her ears & gently patted on her head after that.

They were chatting & you can really see the girl smiling happily.
You can feel the love she receives from her smile.
& it makes me smile a little, feeling really good for her.

The actions might be very simple,
but by doing so,
the guy has already sent out his affection.
I got a little emotional after that, & tried to divert my attention.

Some people can put down their egoism, arrogance, dignity, to show their amorousness,
while some can't.
Some people couldn't get themselves down to show it,
while some just overdid it.

Guess it's time for us, or perhaps only me, to do some soul-searching,
as to whether it was balanced, or overdid.

Bored & lonely.
Cold & quiet.

I don't feel good.

I've graduated!
I cleared all my subjects!
HOOORRAY!!

& now, I guess it's time to look for a full-time job since I don't have money for degree.
How sad.

It was a surprise birthday celebration's dinner in advance
@ Putien that night by godmum & her family members.
It was great to hear the adults talk.
You tend to learn something everytime you do that.
& you definitely tend to start all the thinkings and stuff.

After that, was homed.
Made a last minute trip down to a pub at Concorde Hotel to look for boy and his friends.
He was having some serious men's talk, providing advise to his friends,
& I was doing my own things; singing with the China waitress.
It was nice till some immature ah bengs came and sit beside our table.
Yelling & speaking nonsensically.
Then we shifted to the bar counter.

Met boy today early in the morning.
Went to the wet market & supermarket to get some ingredients for steamboat tonight @ boy's place with his family for his bro's POP celebration.
When it comes to food, boy is always the one in-charged.
One of his playground; the kitchen.

Might be playing badminton tomorrow.
Depends on whether there's court available for booking.
If mummy's unable to play, I'll pull boy down.

I turned down the invitation to the girl's chalet from 16th to 18th.
That was because my superwoman will be flying off, again.
She'll be flying off on 18th morning, & will only be back around January next year.
I'll miss you, mum.

Going out for dinner soon!
With mummy, sis, godmum & her family!
Putien Restaurant at Kitchener Road!
Cya!

A last minute visit to Dragonfly last night.
Was initially at boy's place after tuition until Kelvin contacted boy.
Then I took a cab home to pepare myself.
After that waited for Kelvin to drive us there.

Really enjoy the live band there.
& I finally saw the one whom Kelvin introduced.
Emily? or Amelie?
I don't know, but it just sounds like that.
Her vocal is quite good.
She's 31 already but really really doesn't look like!
She've taught people who joined Singapore Idol and stuff.
Oh, she's really great!

Sometimes, I really think that I should visit the clinic.
My body just can't seem to function well.
I really don't know if this is the case, but I don't wanna wait till it's too late to say things I wanna say.
It might be something mild,
& might be something severe.

Hopefully, just one day,
in the event that I passed away,
retreive the other blog.
I shared some feelings there.

In the meantime,
I want to enjoy myself with my friends,
my family & my boy.
They mean alot to me.

This is a just-in-case post.
No worries, nothing will happen to me. (:

I feel weird after that incident.
Why is it not getting any stronger than before?
Instead, it goes otherwise.

The bruises are ugly.
My face is ugly.
My features are ugly.
My figure is ugly.
I am ugly.

I need to read.
I need to get inspiration from life.
I need to know how to live better.


Just back from Kovan.
Went to popular alone do get some stuff.
Went to shop around for awhile.
Then had lunch alone.
Boy suddenly came and look for me for awhile.
Then he went to work and I came back.

I may be writing again later.
I just got so much to say.

I had heartache again yesterday.
Really painful.
It lasted for afew hours.
It was even more painful than the previous time when I was with Rong.
Still, insisted not to visit the doctor.

Was chatting with Linus last night.
We were updating each other about our life.

Boy went to work today,
& will be working for this whole week up till Friday.
This is bad.

I woke up at 6 plus in the evening.
I can really sleep.
Happy with no more school but unhappy with boring life.

A sudden urge to go library, temple and shopping alone.
Sometimes, I really enjoy being alone.
I can listen to music and think about things,
no interuptions,
walk any directions I like.

ONLINE SHOPPING!
I think I'm addicted to online shopping.
I've been spending alot!
Peijian sent me a link the other day.
The shop owner only accept bulk purchase, at least 15 items in order to purchase any apparel in the shop.
So Peijian asked me to help her reach the capping at 15.

Girls, go shopppppp!
http://www.myownsweetime.net/ ,
not forgetting http://www.glamorousheaven.weebly.com/ !

I bought bags as well.
About 5 bags at once.
Oh, and also masks.
I just received 46 masks yesterday via registered mail.
and 23 of them are for boy! (:

2 papers down!

1 more, just 1 more to get me out of agony!

Still, I am super upset for yesterday's paper.

Information Systems for Business, this should be the easiest paper this semester.

But it ends up to be the more difficult compared to Business Law.

Reason?

Because the lecturer's tips was not accurate!

We've heard from several seniors that this lecturer's tips is always about 90% accurate.

I guessed something screwed up.

Oh dear, this is my last semester.

I need to pass all 3 subjects in order to graduate from this course.

If I fail this subject and return to campus next semester, this would be super retarded like what Jia Qing said.

I reached home at around 6.30am in the morning just now.

& all the way till now, I've not been sleeping.

I'll be heading to my student's place later at around 3.30pm later.

After tuition, I'll be heading to boy's place to continue mugging for tomorrow's last paper.

Most probably won't be sleeping again.

2 days without sleeps, cool uh.

I hate to look into the mirror lately.

PIMPLES & DARK CIRLES.

I hate them & I really need sleeps badly!

I can't wait for exams to be over!
The sad thing is, it has yet to be started!!

I've been missing out loads of outings with my friends!
I've been schooling, tuitioning and sleeping.
C'mon, get a life, Miko!
You shall eat, enjoy, play and do whatever you want and whatever you like for a short period of time after your exams before any job search!

It's time to stop pampering myself with cabs, sleeps and food.
Off my butt to mug for exams & hopefully graduate after this hardcore period!!

When you feel abandoned, what do you want to hear most?

Sometimes, people can really see the despondent side of you.
They tend to give you encouragements,
showing you how much you're being cherished.
Thereupon, you feel reassured & heartened, beyond doubt.

But, how long can these words of encouragement last?

People who gave you the encouragements;
Sadly, they tend to forget this depressing feeling that you're having all along,
& slowly, take you for granted,
forgetting how much you're worthy of.

Don't blame it on destiny.
Don't grumble about, saying god is unfair.

Instead, open your eyes wide & take a look around you.
Think.
At that instant,
you may find the one;
the one being absurdly unfair.

These were some pictures taken on National Day

this year with the poppers @ Fantasie.

Sometimes, when you feel lonely & despair,

& really need someone there to talk to,

always remember;

"You are not alone."

This is something that I feel it should be written down.
I don't wanna forget a thing from yesterday's incident.

This is really unbelievable.
I guess it's all fated.

I dropped my phone for so many times.
Yet, this time it got damaged.
Fine.

Yesterday, my mum advised me to take my phone down to her friend's shop for repairing.
I intended to go down alone and head to boy's place immediately after that.
But I changed my mind.
I texted boy that I want him to accompany me down and I just needed someone for me to rely on yesterday.

At chinatown, boy suggested to take a walk somewhere at Chinatown.
Crowds all over,
& on spur of moment, this familiar face came into sight.
Without hesistation, I shook off boy's hand and ran away.
I couldn't control my tears, I couldn't believe my eyes.

Someone I've been dreaming of lately,
someone I miss yet I hate,
someone who got missing in action,
someone I've always been looking out for,
someone I yearn to see every day and night.

I stood up on my feet with boy's aid and we decided to walk back to that area.
Boy advised to look at him from far.
To my disappointment, he's nowhere to be seen.
He vanished from the crowd.
Weeping, there I go again.
I shook my head & walk to the other directions, telling boy that it's okay.

When I say it was fated, it really was fate.
I saw him again just right infront of me.
He saw me and grab my arms and said he needs to talk to me.
I couldn't accept the things he said.
I ran away.

Like what boy said, it was indeed dramatic.
I knew that I would see him someday.
I knew that the day is coming near.
But didn't did I expect it to be so short in time.

If my phone didn't got damaged, this wouldn't happen.
If I didn't text boy to accompany me down,
we wouldn't have continue walking around at Chinatown.


Just who will really perceive it.
I don't want to stand up alone anymore.
I need you rely on.

Oh, I forgotten to mention about my phone just now.
A few days ago, on my way to my student's place for tuition,
I dropped my phone and there goes!
The screen totally went off & I couldn't even use it anymore.
Mum advised me to go and get it repaired by her friend.
& after she return from England, she's gonna buy me a phone for my birthday present!
How nice!

I've been using a Sony Ericsson's spare phone which is quite defective.
Just imagine, I experienced an auto-shutdown from it at least 5 times a day.
This is bad.

Nevertheless, I hope I'll get my W995!
But I really hate it that only Singtel have the red ones
& Starhub, the black & silver ones.
I would never get the silver one but I heard that stocks for black ones are running fast!
Mum, please be back without delay, for the sake of my phone.

I've been tied down with piles of projects yet I've been sleeping like a pig at boy's place.
He claims that the amount of time we spent together sleeping,
is equivalent to the amount of time we spent together awake!
& as time goes by, the amount of time we spend together sleeping will eventually overshot the amount of time we spend staying awake!
Hahaha!
Okay, this sound rather nonsensical, just like boy!

Saw Ferania on the bus on my way to school today.
So we chatted quite abit & headed to school together.
Overall, she wasn't so egoism as I previously thought she was when we're in secondary school.
A lesson taught;
Never judge from one-sided story.

I am getting real annoyed by my current figure.
After boy returned from his reservist,
he've really been feeding me, like non-stop?
Whenever I look into the mirror,
I find myself an ugly woman.

I found myself having dreams with the same existent of a person recently.
This is ridiculous.
I should think less of it in the day.

Oh, I'll be meeting wifey this coming Saturday.
Will be chilling at some TCC.
Probably the Central Mall one.
Looking forward to an endless ladies' chat!

This is my last semester.
& hopefully, I'll be graduating on time.
But I've not been paying much attention in class lately.
No one distracted me.
I just find it difficult for me to focus & absorb the teachings from lecturers.
At any moment after short breaks,
I would force myself into the lecture room.
This isn't what I should be doing now.
This semester is crucial,
yet I am not even intensely into my projects. I should start my revision as soon as possible after all assignments & projects have been handed in.

Most probably will be having a few games of badminton tomorrow with boy & his friends.
Yes, time for me to exercise myself.
& if possible, I'll try to wake up early in the morning for a jog in the park or so.
That's only if possible as it always fail to be possible for the past few intentions.

Alright, this post is rather lengthy.
Guess I better bring it to a halt.
Night, people.

I did something real crazy today with boy's accompany.
Someone like me, afraid of needles & hate medicine,
went for a blood donation!

YES YES, I donated my blood & I feel a sense of satisfaction.
I am not afraid of needles anymore!
My next eligible date for a blood donation will be on 11th October,
which will be 12 weeks from now, in order for blood to be fully replenished in my body.
& I'm so looking forward to my next donation!

People, be a blood donor today & save lives!


After the donation, went to boy's place & intended to study.
I ended up sleeping & he ended up using com.
I woke up and we intended to really study.
But both of us ended up looking at videos on Youtube.


ALAMELU TAN KAR PIAW is a dear friend of mine,
you can call her a bastard or a bitch,
you can also call her a boy or a girl!
But I usually call her Ah Boy.
He/she always speak this way, "Go leh go leh, go la go leh. Qu la qu leh qu la qu leh qu leh."
IRRITATING?!
More to come like "Eh Low Can Can......"
This bitch can bastard until like that. HAHAHA!
I "promised" to talk about her until she remove that stupid Can Can thingy in her blog!

This is ridiculous.
My eyes must be playing on me.
I saw a skinheaded guy & I thought it was him.
I couldn't quite believe my eyes that I went down to double check.
Disappointment arises when it wasn't him.
Uncontrollable tears flow.
Yes, it was a mixed feelings like what boy said.
I hate him yet I miss him.

Sometimes I feel so evil & sick.
I looked at their pictures again and again.
I couldn't really describe the definte mentality I had.
I envy looking at family's photo, yet I hate to look at them.

Sometimes, I feel that I'm puerile.
I never thought that looking at happily-taken family photo would upset & bother me so much.
I never thought that going into shops or restaurants like Zara or HongKong Cafe would make me so uneasy.

I hate this.

Well, I received this interesting email from one of my friend.

The Tomato Story

A jobless man applied for the postion of "office boy" at Microsoft.
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.
"You are employed" he said.
"Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."
The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email".

"I'm sorry", said the HR manager.
"If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."
The man left with no hope at all.

He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket.
He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.

He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round.

In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital.
He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this way,
and started to go everyday earlier, and return late.
Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man became one of the biggest food retailers in the US.
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan.
When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email.
The man replied,"I don't have an email."

The broker answered curiously,
"You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire.
Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied,
"Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft if I had an email!"

Moral of the story.

1) Internet is not the solution to your life.
2) If you don't have Internet/Email, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
3) If you received this message by email, you are closer to being a office boy/girl,than a millionaire.

Boy went for his reservist & I swear I'm gonna miss him so much!

I was surprised by the call from boy's mum this afternoon!
She asked if I'm free for this coming Thursday so that I can join her and boy's elder sis for cooking and shopping!
She even asked me if I could stay overnight at boy's house on Wednesday!
I love his mama!
She's very easy-going & open-minded.
I don't feel stress when I meet her.
Unlike for the past few parents I've met, I always feel uneasy & stressful.

Boy's papa is as nice too!
He's very soft-spoken, kind-hearted & always bringing a smile on his face everytime he speaks to me.
He's a very good papa who knows how to cook & do housechores!
I really envy my boy!

Anyway, I might be going to the library alone tmr.
Life without boy is like a disaster! ):

I took a train to Woodlands alone & observed the surroundings.
I walk alone in the lonely street today along causeway point while waiting for friends.

Couples' everywhere.
Chummy, intimate, inseparable.
Young teens, young adults, grown-ups.
& I really got an urge to snap their pictures down.

Loving, on the surface.
How long can they last?
A month? A year? A decade? Or a lifetime?

I don't have an answer, neither do they.

I thouht to myself.
How significantly do I look into this relationship of mine?
& I found out that I would put every single bits of efforts into it to make things near perfect.
I'll be delighted and contented when my partner appreciate things I did.

BUT, the most important things is,
how significantly will my partner look into this relationship?
Will it be as significant as I do?

Most people would say, "I would ask for no returns."
I said that before as well!
But, thinking back, I find it not very true afterall.

If you expect no returns from your partner,
you wouldn't feel the neglect from them,
you wouldn't feel the pain when they hurt you verbally,
you wouldn't expect any sweet talks from them.
Your heart wouldn't prickles when you see them talking to beautiful babes/hunks,
and you wouldn't clutch your fist when they praise other girls/guys and more....
(This definitely doesn't apply to ALL people, but I would say, MOST people.)

If you still think that you would ask for no returns in a relationship,
think again.



Thinking back again,
I used to be a queen (& not princess) in relationships.
Always showered with love,
I was rather demanding & sometimes picking for a fight.
Always asking for perfects from partners but I was never near perfect.
Indeed, a queen.

Sometimes, we are so caught up with who's right and who's wrong,
that we forget what's right and what's wrong.

People, always take a step back (you may also move left or right -.-) & look into the picture again.
You'll see different things in different angles.
Whether is it your fault or not, it may not be a big deal afterall.
Give in & a simple "I love you" makes a big difference.
So, why not? (:

Shopping with boy today @ Bugis.

We walked around Bugis street & bought some clothes.

After that we headed to Bugis Junction.

Boy got some stuff for his reservist @ Watson.

Then, we headed to iluma Mall for a walk.

Well, this iluma mall is a new shopping mall right beside Bugis Street.

Baby is mad today.

He bought 2 pairs of footwear.

I got tempted as well, got 2 pairs of footwear as well!

One from Design & Comfort, one from Pat tino.

Pat tino, a pretty nice shop, with good stuff at low prices.

THUMBS UP!

Headed back to boy's place and he cooked me dinner (again)!

Sooooooo sweet of him right!

Later at night, head home! (:

On my way back, saw mum's friend.

He gave me a membership card for his newly opened hair salon.

He asked me to bring friends along.

TRUST by Speed Salon

Blk 713 AngMoKio Ave 6

#01-4050 S(560713)

Tel: 64533384/90222290 (Kenneth Tan)

Operating hrs:

Mon - Fri: 11am - 9pm

Sat - Sun & PH: 11am - 8pm

Visit if you're interested!

Meeting boy tomorrow morning for jogging.

I hope both of us can wake up!

About 1 & half month since I last wrote.
Time to revive my blog!

I'm having my holidays right now. School will resume on 6th of July.
I've got back my results.
I finally made it for all 4 subjects.
Last semester to go!

So what have I been doing during this holidays?
Sleep, eat, TV, bathe, com.
Club & shop for a few days.
Most memorable & happy days are at my boy's place.
We cook, eat, drink, sleep and play.
I hope I can do this everyday.
& btw, I'm getting fatter. Really getting fatter.
Boy said I grew fat as well ):
Blame on him for feeding me non-stop!

Shopping with boy tmr!

Oh my god, I got sooooooo many things to do! I've yet to finish my Finance project which due date is tomorrow! I've not done my OTQM project questions which due date is the day after tomorrow! Went to CDC to book my final theory test date. I booked the other day, but I skipped the lesson. I'm like dragging and dragging.... And if I keep on dragging, I think by the time Rong took her license I also haven't pass my final theory. -.- I REALLY NEED A JOB!

Hi peeps! I've just changed my blogskin and deleted about 500 past posts! Memories are significant. But I guess I doesn't need all the bad and meaningless ones. Anyway, my exams are around the corner. Restaurant city sounds nice on facebook. Yes, I'm quite sick of Farmtown too. But I really couldn't bear to let it go as I've put in sooooo much effort in it!

I think I better get going for Microeconomics project now!

Goodbye!

25th of April, Dbl o with great people for party!
Celebrate rong laopo and jia en's birthday.
Rong, Jing, Chia, Ying, Amy, Jasmine, Don.
Daniel, Jia en, Sam, Eric, Nicholas, Ahmao.

I had a super hard time to upload these pictures.

Connection problem I suppose.

Playing mahjong overnight really can kill.
It's been real long since I play overnight mahjong.
& the last time was when I'm 15 years old if I'm not wrong.

I didn't win.
In another words, I lost.
Lost around 10 bucks.
You may call me a mahjong-noob.

Was at Jianyuan's house playing.
Morning 7+ then stop.
Been long since I've talk to mum.

THINK.

Would you prefer a situation such as someone loves you more than you do,

or you love someone more than he/she do?

Would you prefer someone you can live with,

or someone you can't live without?

I would prefer a situation such as someone loves me as much as I do,

as well as someone I can live with and can't live without.

Jesamine house yesterday.
Celebration for Small daniel, Jayden, Pohan and Jiaqing's birthday.

Jiaqing went off early.
We had BBQ and alcohol.
Fun night.

Group picture!

Miko, Erwin, Small Daniel, Julia, Jayden, Big Daniel, Pohn, Timberland, Jaeyen.

Small Daniel, Jayden, Pohan.

The birthday boys!

Didn't go home last night.

Reached home this evening.

I'm done, with my exams.
Hopefully, I can make it through for all 4 subjects,
and doesn't need to repeat any modules next semester.
Make my life easier man!

Yes, really alot things happened recently.
But I hope whatever I did, the effort will pay off someday.

Dbl O yesterday.
For celebrating Daniel's (small) birthday.

Will be going over to classmate's place tomorrow for Pohan's birthday celebration.
Might be staying overnight.
Drinking again.
Let's hope nobody get drunk tomorrow.

Yes, been long since I last blogged.
Has been mugging hard for the coming examinations.
I couldn't afford to fail any subjects anymore.

I've been facing some problems recently.
Relationship, family and studies.
I can say, relationship and family is the most troublesome stuff to handle right now.

I hope I can run away from reality.

My face is getting better.
But not my heartache.

I did consult a doctor that day.
After finished asking about my face, I ask about my heart.
I'm unlucky, because I'm the last patient that she attended to before her break.

Me: Oh, & I would also like to ask about my heart problem. It've been aching for quite some time.
Doctor: (looking down on medical card, writing..) Oh, I think it's not a big problem la.
Me: But I'm having this problem since quite long ago. & it really hurts, really painful.
Doctor: Where?
Me: (getting annoyed) Heart la! (hand touching my chest)
Doctor: (still looking down...) Should not be a big problem la. probably muscle aching.
Me: Then how come I will have this "muscle-ache"?!
Doctor: (still still looking down...) Probably because you didn't stretch well.

WTF.
This stupid doctor then issue me the MC and I walked out of the room.

I complaint.
People around me advise me to go to a private clinic.
Polyclinics really cannot make it.

Went to mum's friend's house just now.
& the house is really beautiful.

Had heart-ache again few days back.
& the worst thing is Chrystal still laugh and give me an alien-look as if I'm from another planet while I'm holding my chest on one hand.
It's really too much. F-up.

My face was terribly disfigured.
I don't know what happened, but rashes grow on the whole of my face.
& I scratch and scratch and scratch like don't know what.
I think I really need to consult a doctor regarding the rashes on my face and my heartache.

Was at Haji lane with Rong, Jayvier and Ying.
Drinking & gambling.
Won a little.
No pictures taken as I wasn't in good mood.

Might be going to Jing house on Thursday if I got no project discussion.
Gambling again.
We're all gamblers.

FIRST POST OF THE YEAR!

Let's all hope 2009 to be a good year!
Lesser unhappy things, lesser mistakings, lesser deaths,
lesser quarrels, lesser unlikes, lesser hates.
No wars, no disaster!
More joyful stuff, love, peace, happiness, & smiles! =D
HAPPYNEWYEAR,EVERYONE!

School started yesterday.
First lesson, Principle of Marketing.
So far so good, I guess.
But I missed today's morning lesson,
which is that idiotic Financial Accounting.
But I managed to wake up on time for the afternoon lesson.

New year, new semester, new projects. ):
Piles of them waiting for me.
Goodbye.

Just visited Aiping's blog.
Somehow, I feel that her life is full of happiness.
Maybe that's what they call simple life.
Simple is happiness.
& I'm happy for her.

Never complain that life is being unfair to you.
Cherish all the happy moments,
forget all the unhappiness.
You hold your fate,
you live your life.

It's your choice whether
to be happy,
to love,
to not to love,
to be open-minded,
to do the things you want,
or to waste your time away.

& as for me, I choose
to be happy,
to be open-minded,
to love hard,
to play hard,
also to study hard.
& I'll try my very best to get all the above.

Deep down,
it really doesn't matter what some people say about me.
It doesn't really matter how they look at me.
Cos', I got a really nice family which I really love,
I have lovely friends around me,
& also a boy standing by me.

I must not be discouraged by anyone.
Before anything, I'm gonna love myself so so much.
=D

Clubbed at REBEL last night instead of Butterfactory.

It was my first time clubbing with my girls!

And it was really awesome dancing the whole night through with them!

Gonna club hop with them on Christmas eve (:

Obviously, someone misses my post!

Haha, no la.

Anyway, I passed my intermediate vocal.

Will be going up to advance vocal soon!

And the above pictures are from the last lesson.

Oh, my holidays started.

Which means, I've finished my exams!

HUUURRAY!!

But I guess I won't be able to make it through for my accountings.

):

Has been meeting boy nowadays,

rotting at home,

watching shows.

=D

Waaaaa, I really didn't know that it was SEAHJIALING's birthday a few days ago until today.
I feel soooooooo bo xim! >(

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

Yes, the wishing came real late. :(
But I hope you'll really last with your boy and may all your birthday wishes come true!!! =D

只要能够包容一切不完美，

就能一切完美...

Do you know how lucky we are?

Think about it.

Pictures on XJ's birthday! (: